Tag Archives: TheEmergencyBra

Ebola…More Like NObola

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Lisa and I decided recently that we wanted to do a post about Ebola. We talked about it extensively on the phone during a very important blog meeting. We even realized that we have actually talked about Ebola on the blog before (we think we might be psychic now). We figured out exactly what we wanted to say (but didn’t actually type it out as we talked) and then before we knew it, it was time to leave for carpool.

By the time we got back home and monitored homework, oversaw dinner and negotiated bedtime it was too late. After all, The Voice battle rounds weren’t going to watch themselves.

We briefly considered trying again the next day during another very important blog meeting, but then we got sidetracked by how much we love Pharrell Williams (SO SO MUCH) and whether or not Blake really has a cocktail in his cup (we totes think yes).

It doesn’t even matter anymore, though, because our friend Tara at You Know it Happens at Your House Too totally did it for us. And she did it far better and far funnier than we could have ever hoped to! We read it together in our third very important blog meeting of the day, and we were both crying with laughter. We knew immediately we had to share it here and sent her messages on every form of social media as quickly as we could type! It is possible that we might have used words like “stalking” and “please don’t get a restraining order against us” when we begged her to let us share it with our beloved Dose Peeps.

She graciously agreed, probably mostly to get us to stop tweeting her every five seconds!

So, without further ado, we present to you just a tiny snippet of her post…

EBOLA.

It’s everywhere. On the news, in the newspaper, Facebook news feed everywhere, the Twitter.

EBOLA OUTBREAK! STOCKPILE THE FOODS! NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE!

We were laughing already, but when we got to this part we honestly had tears streaming down our faces…

Things that scare me more than Ebola:

  • Head lice

  • Twelve-year-old girls

We won’t give anymore away, because y’all need to go read the rest of the post yourselves…and we promise you will be CRACKING up, too!

Ebola, You Don’t Scare Me

We are closing comments here today, so that you can all share the Dose love with Tara directly.

Ebola

 

 

 

Pinterest Nightmare #593: The Emergency Face Mask Bra

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When I was little, my family nicknamed me “Cautious Clem”.

I didn’t like to walk on the hardwood floor in just my socks (what if I slipped?), I was the only kid on the cul-de-sac who begged for one of those tall, orange flags to tether to the back of my bike’s banana seat (to make sure cars could see me!), and from about the age of 10, I’ve toted around my own fully stocked first aid kit (You know, just in case).

You can’t be too careful. (No seriously, you can’t!)

So it will come as no surprise to anyone that when I saw the following pin pop up on Pinterest, it was all I could do to keep from shouting… TAKE MY MONEY NOW!!!!

Pinterest Nightmare #593: The Emergency Face Mask Bra

The Emergency Bra

As pinned from ebbra.bigcartel.com

It’s The Emergency Face Mask Bra! By day it sits under your sweaters keeping the girls lifted and separated, but in the event of an airborne pathogen attack thanks to it’s special lining it becomes TWO GAS MASKS!!

Who knew that Victoria’s Secret was …she can SAVE YOUR LIFE??!!

Imagine the scenario…You and your man are taking a nice stroll down the beach at sunset. You catch a whiff of ebola virus in the air. Three undergarment adjustments later and BAM…YOUR BRA SAVES BOTH OF YOU.

Emergency Bra Saves the day pt 1

BUT WAIT!

Emergency Bra Saves the day pt 2

Thank you Emergency Face Mask Bra! (And no, it did not escape my attention that lady above is cavorting in public wearing only her bra, rendering herself topless when she needs to spring into action. No wonder her companion looks so pleased to be facing a respiratory assault. They must be European.)

For only $29.99, The Emergency Face Mask Bra will provide you with excellent support as well as two cups worth of pulmonary security! A mere $20 upgrade also gets you a patented brassiere radiation sensor so you know how fast you need to be running away from high energy gamma rays.

Since my breasts haven’t really done anything truly constructive since I stopped nursing, you can imagine how excited I was to get them back into the action! But wait, the Emergency Face Mask Bra only comes in sizes 32B-44D.

Caution Clem says WHAT????

I’m guessing that A cups are too small to provide adequate protection, and giant DD cups like mine would swallow someone’s face whole, rendering them unable to see in the event of emergency. (As if we girls on either end of the bell curve needed any further evidence that we can’t catch a break. *sob*)

yhbmh

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.