Tag Archives: TechSupport

Nope, It’s Still Me

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You might remember that back in January, I mentioned how my mom, Cookie, wasn’t very good with technology. You could even say I mocked her. Not meanly-I mean, Hey! I’m not crazy! I want to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner- But, well…maybe mocked just a bit.

Well, it’s true confession time here at The Dose of Reality. I am going to share with you my own brand of technological ineptitude. It regards a little thing you probably use every day. It’s likely you mastered it the first time you used it. In fact, you’ll probably think that I should not be mocking anyone if I can’t master this simple little component of our daily technological lives. Yeah, you’re probably right.

So what is this technological hell beast that eludes me?

Beware of the Hell Beast

Call waiting.

In my own defense, I really hate call waiting, and it doesn’t even stem from my inability to properly use it (mostly)! I dislike it as a concept. It’s irritating to be in the middle of a serious discussion about The Bachelor and miss the point Ashley was making as to why HotSean! should pick Catherine over Lindsay, all because of that little hitch in the call that let’s you know someone else is beeping in. ANNOYING!

It’s also rude when you think about it. Have you ever been on a call and someone announces, “Oh, I’ve got to put you on hold. The dog groomer is beeping in”. I can’t help thinking, “What? I don’t rank higher than the dog groomer? Wait, I don’t even think you have a dog!” See, call waiting makes it obvious where you fall in someone else’s call priority list. That’s not always information you really want to know.

Then there are the people who put you on hold forever. How long are you expected to wait for someone to get back to your call? If it’s been more than 5 minutes should I just hang up or does hanging up make me a jerk? What’s the protocol here?

It’s possible that my extreme dislike for this feature has caused a block in my mind because here is what happens every time I try to use the call waiting feature:

Me: So, do you think Tierra will show up on The Bachelor: The Women Tell All show next week?

Ashley: Of course she will. She’s a fame ho. She’s not missing another chance in the spotlight.

Me: Good point! I thought I read somewhere she was holding out. They’ve got to convince her. That show won’t be the same without her variety of sparkle.

Ashley: I read *pause* and then *pause* shirtless so *pause*… Can you believe it?

Me: Oh! I didn’t catch any of that. Robert is trying to call on the other line. I’ll call him back later. So, what were you saying?

Ashley: Oh, you won’t believe it, but *pause* under the *pause* with a monkey *pause*… So shocking, right?

Me: GAH! Wait..I missed that! Robert is trying to beep in again. Let me just see what he wants. Can you hold on?

Ashley: Sure.

I then press a button on my phone.

Me: Robert?

Ashley: Nope, it’s still me.

Me: Sorry. Hang on. I’ll get it this time.

I press a different button on the phone.

Me: Robert?

Ashley: Nope, it’s still me. I think you need to press the flash button.

Me: Oh, thanks. Which one is that?

Ashley: The one that says flash.

Me: Okay, got it. Hold on.

I press the flash button.

Me: Robert?

Robert: Hi! Do you have a minute?

Me: Not really. I’m having an important blog meeting on the phone with Ashley right now. I’ll call you back in about 30 minutes. Okay?

Robert: Okay. Love you. Bye!

Me: Love you. Bye!

I press the talk button to get back to Ashley…

Me: Ashley?

But what I hear is not Ashley. It’s the dial tone. I’ve somehow disconnected the call. That’s what happens Every.Single.Time.

Now you might think I just need to read my phone’s owner’s manual and figure out how to use the call waiting feature. That would be a good idea but A. I’m too lazy to do that and B. the same thing happens if I’m on my cell phone, too. In fact, I haven’t been able to reconnect to the person who was on hold since about 2002 no matter what phone I’m using.

So basically, I’m resigned to the fact that I’ve become Debbie Reynolds in “Mother”.

It could be worse. At least Debbie Reynolds is a legend.

 

Damn You, Amazon.com

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My mom got a new Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas.

You might be thinking…Good for her! That’s AWESOME! I, however, was filled with dread when I heard the news on Christmas morning. The only thought in my head was…Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Noooooooooooooooo

You might wonder why I’m not enthusiastic. Let me explain.

My mom (I call her Cookie-long story, just go with it) is no ordinary 65 year old. Cookie is a totally fit and fabulous mom and grandma. She’s “with it”. She is active and trim. She changes her hairstyle frequently to keep up with the trends. At any given time her clothing is 100% more fashionable and put together than mine by far. It’s not even a close contest. I don’t mean “Oh, when I’m that age I hope I look that put together.” No. I mean “I’d snatch that off her body and wear it myself if I could fit into it” kind of fashionable. She only wears yoga pants when she’s doing ACTUAL YOGA (I mean…can you imagine?). What I’m saying is that Cookie is a *young* 65 years old.

As such, she naturally adores Skype, surfing the web, her smartphone, and any other modern gadget you’d expect any “with it” person to use and love. The problem is OPERATING these modern electronic gadgets. Oh, she is totally on board and game to use them all, it’s just the execution that trips her up.

Cue to me…her 24/7 long-distance tech support giving Edvard Munch’s dude from The Scream a run for his money at the thought of her receiving a new Kindle.

You see, it took me a SIX HOUR phone call followed by a second THREE HOUR phone call the next day just to register and place one book on her OLD Kindle. (Yes, I’m talking about the Amazon Kindle, one of the most user friendly devices known to man. And no, I am not exaggerating). It took a full two years to get her semi-proficient on it after that, but we finally got there. And now there is a new version…without a keyboard…that is organized differently. *sob*

All of our talks about electronic gadgets/computers/iPhones share a common thread. First I am called or texted at a strange time of day. This is the 24/7 part of the deal. It then goes something like this:

Me: Okay, now click on the yellow box at the top right of the screen.

Cookie: I don’t know what you mean.

Me: Take your mouse and move the arrow to the yellow box at the top right of your screen and click on it when the arrow becomes a hand.

Cookie: I don’t have a yellow box on my screen.

Me: Yes, I’m sure you do. It’s at the top right part of the screen. Look right under the thick blue bar.

Cookie: Lisa, your computer is newer than mine. Mine doesn’t have that. Our computers are different.

Me: No Cookie, it’s not a computer thing. It’s a website thing. You are seeing the same internet I am. It’s exactly the same.

Cookie: No, it’s not because I don’t have a yellow box anywhere on my screen. Maybe my computer is broken.

Me: Put your finger on the top right corner of your computer screen and slide it directly down past the thick blue bar…

Cookie: OH!! There it is!! Why didn’t you say so?!

Now, take that scene and multiply it by eleventy thousand because that 10 minute dialogue was just to produce ONE MOUSE CLICK.

At Your Service

 

 

Thus, I was braced and ready for the inevitable phone call on December 26th about the new Kindle because she spent Christmas in St. Louis where she lives while we were here in Charlotte. It actually came on December 25th at 8:42 pm as I was trying to get Lucy to bed.

 

 

Cookie: I can’t get my Wi-Fi set right on my new Kindle. I have a lot of other questions, but I want to get this part done first before I do anything else.

Me: Okay, how far did you get?

Cookie: I turned it on. It was actually difficult because the starter works differently than the old one. You have to press it in instead of move it side to side.

Me: Great. Good catch. Okay, now press at the top of the screen until the menu appears.

Cookie: I don’t have a menu. All I see is the User’s Guide I was reading.

Me: Right, you have to press at the top of your screen for the menu to pop up.

Cookie: I don’t have any keys to push. All I see is words.

Me: I know. You push on the screen at the top, and it will just appear.

Cookie: WOW. Look at that!

Me: Yay! Now press the picture all the way at the right that looks like bars.

Cookie: Oh, no! I did that, and a box came down. I have to start all over.

Me: No, no, that’s good. That’s exactly what we wanted to happen. Now press where it says “Settings”.

Cookie: Oh, when the box came up I turned my Kinde off. I thought I messed it up and had to start all over again.

Then we actually *did* start all over again, but I will spare you that part.

Me: Okay, now press where it says “Wi-Fi Networks”.

Cookie: My screen doesn’t say that.

My Screen Doesn't Say That

Me: Does your screen say “Settings” at the top and then the first option is “Airplane Mode”

Cookie: Yes.

Me: “Wi-Fi Networks” is right under that.

Cookie: It’s not on mine. Mine doesn’t say that. Mine is brand new. It’s different from yours, Lisa.

Me: No, your Kindle Paperwhite is just like mine. Don’t actually touch the screen, but put your finger where is says “Airplane Mode” and then move it directly down until you see…

Cookie: OH! There it is! Why didn’t you say so?

Me: Now touch “Wi-Fi Networks”. You’ll see several different networks pop up.

Cookie: I see them! Now what?

Me: Okay, now select your Wi-Fi network.

Cookie: What do you mean?

Me: Touch the one that is yours.

Cookie: It says I have four of them.

Me: No, your Kindle is recognizing several Wi-Fi networks, but only one is actually yours.

Cookie: Well, I’m looking right at it. It says I have four.

Me: No, it’s detecting that there are four networks in your area. Only one of those actually belongs to you, though. The other three belong to your neighbors. You want to use yours.

Cookie: How do I know which one is mine?

Me: You look at the name. Ours is named with our last name.

Cookie: All of these are just numbers. One says ATT, and we use ATT.

Me: Great, maybe that’s yours. Click on that one.

Cookie: Okay, it asked for a password.

Me: Perfect! Put your password in.

Cookie: Hmmmm…I don’t know what my password is.

Me: I thought you use the same password for everything.

Cookie: We do, but that one isn’t working. Lets see… I remember writing down my Wi-Fi password on a yellow piece of paper so I’d always have it handy.

Me: Great! I’ll wait while you get your paper.

Cookie: Oh, I don’t know where it is.

Me: We’re going to need it to finish this.

At this point 10 minutes pass as I listen to the shuffling of papers.

Cookie: I can’t believe it! I found it!

Me: Wonderful. Now put in your password.

Cookie: It doesn’t work.

Me: Are you sure you keyed it in correctly?

Cookie: Yes

Me: Are you sure you used capital letters in the right spot?

Cookie: Yes.

Me: Okay, then either that isn’t your Wi-Fi network or your password is wrong.

Cookie: The password is on my yellow piece of paper. It’s right.

Me: Okay, then select a different Wi-Fi network and try your password there.

Cookie: OH, NO! Now I only have three networks. I lost a network!

Me: No, you didn’t. That was never yours anyway. Your network has to be one of the other two we haven’t tried.

Cookie proceeds to enter her password into the two remaining networks with no luck. This takes about 45 minutes.

Me: Okay, ONE of those is your Wi-Fi network. It has to be that your password is wrong.

Cookie: But it’s on my yellow paper! I can’t believe all three of my Wi-Fi networks are broken, and I lost one while I was messing around. The one I lost was probably the one that worked best and that’s my problem.

Me: No, you don’t HAVE more than one Wi-Fi network.

At this point my husband, who has been listening to my side of the conversation for the past 90 minutes, speaks up.

Robert: Lisa, are you sure they even HAVE Wi-Fi?

Me (into the phone): Cookie, are you sure you even HAVE Wi-Fi?

Cookie (to my dad who has been listening to her side of the conversation): Gary, do we even have Wi-Fi?

My Dad’s muffled voice: You said we did…so… yes?

Cookie: Of course we do, Lisa. My Kindle says we have three Wi-Fi’s. Four if you count the one I lost.

Good news! Cookie’s birthday is in February and there are rumors that she wants to upgrade to the new iPhone 5.

nawww

 

***Exciting update! Cookie has read this and has decided to continue speaking to me and providing her maternal love and support! She even left a comment in the comment section-something she has never done before despite reading the blog every day. (I am pretty sure she called either Robert or Ashley to walk her through how to do it, though.)