NailedIt Archives - The Dose of Reality

Pinterest Nightmare Shopping List: Here’s To You, Dad!

Posted on June 13, 2014 by The Dose of Reality

Father’s Day is this weekend! It’s time to celebrate the greatness of dads! Hooray!

If you are on the ball, you already have cards and presents for your dad (or husband) wrapped and ready for giving. Way to go!! You’re a dynamo!

If you are the Dose Girls, you are in panic mode because you *still* don’t know what to get and time is ticking away. There are only so many ties or mugs that you can buy without risking that you’ll be gifted a toaster or iron next Mother’s Day. But never fear! FedEx delivers on Saturday (we double checked) so there is still plenty of time to find that perfect present!

As we sat down to figure out a gift that would delight and surprise, we realized that we already had the best resource we could ever want-Pinterest!

So if you’re like us and need a little help in the inspiration department, sit back and enjoy a few selections from our Pinterest Nightmare Shopping List that will be perfect for all the dads in your life!

The UroClub

The UroClub is the *perfect* gift for that discrete, sporty dad…who also has a small bladder!

The Steering Wheel Desk

The Steering Wheel Desk is a great gift for the workaholic dad who loves to multitask! (Just make sure he’s up-to-date on his insurance premiums)

The TV Hat

If your dad can’t put down the remote, you’ve hit the jackpot with The TV Hat! (You’ll also have your mom’s gratitude, because she won’t have to watch SportsCenter any more!)

Meggings

If your dad is a fashionista (fashionist-o?), meggings will take his wardrobe to the next level *and* help him strut his stuff. (literally)

Happy Father’s Day!

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

Pinterest Nightmare #414: Grilled By A Cookie Before Dinner

Posted on February 28, 2014 by The Dose of Reality

You all may have seen a link up that has been sweeping the blogisphere. It’s called “Ask Away Friday”. It’s a simple concept. Two blogs team up on a Friday, ask each other 10 questions, and publish their answers on their blog. Deep insights and revelations about life follow.

It’s something we’d never do.

Answering questions about ourselves makes our palms sweat. We’d rather be strapped to a lawn chair and forced to watch 4 straight hours of Calliou….TWICE. We really don’t know what animal we most resemble or where we see ourselves in 5 years (except we’re sure a carpool line figures in there somewhere).

Plus, for the past year we’ve been reserving our Fridays for Pinterest Nightmares. Since Ask Away Friday is done on FRIDAY (it’s right there in the title!), we thought we were off the hook. Until…

CORN PUDDING

Yes. Corn Pudding. You see, one of our best blogging buddies, the totally delightful and fantastic NJ from A Cookie Before Dinner, sent Ashley a corn pudding recipe last Thanksgiving. Until this recipe, Ashley’s kids ate NO vegetables. Nada. This is evidence of genetics at work since the closest Ashley comes to eating a vegetable is her daily gummy vitamin that happens to be shaped like a carrot.

But thanks to NJ, the whole family can now proudly say they all eat *one* vegetable: CORN! Now, don’t go all registered dietitian on us. We know that corn is generally counted as a starch if you are studying the food pyramid, but…baby steps, people.

So when NJ approached us to pair up for some Ask Away Friday fun, what could we do? NJ is our kind of people. She’s real and authentically herself. We *love* reading her blog. She can make us laugh, cry, and think…sometimes all in the same post. Plus she’s a great and supportive friend. She’s just special. On top of that, she brought dietary variety to Ashley’s family. Now that their palates have been exposed to new vegetable delights, they might start eating something green that doesn’t have M&M printed on it. WE OWE NJ.

So…for the FIRST and LAST time ever we are wiping off our sweaty palms and joining our pal NJ for Ask Away Friday…Dose Girl Style!!

Here are the questions NJ asked us with our answers….

1. My friend is having a baby, and I’d like to throw her a cake and card shower. What is the ultimate baby shower cake?

You are such a good girlfriend! The ultimate baby shower cake has to be the centerpiece of the entire affair! We’d advise going with something sophisticated and elegant…with just a touch of whimsey. Whenever we are looking for things that fit that bill, we take to the search box on Pinterest and it never lets us down…

as pinned from cakewrecks.com

Nailed it!! Look at the fondant work on that bow! This cake just reeks of class and refinement (or maybe it just reeks). I call dibs on the corner with the soiled diaper!!

2. What would you eat if you had 1000 extra Weight Watchers points?

If we were *really* going to splurge, we’d definitely turn to Pinterest for guidance. Our “Feed Me, Mom” board has wonderful recipes and pictures that will make your mouth water!

as pinned from retro food

YUM!! Who isn’t looking for a delicious Jello-o salad with meat and olive garnish just like Grandma use to make?! Plus, it will satisfy both sweet AND savory cravings! We might even improvise a little and add a can of Veg-All to add a little color and texture!

3. What is is the hottest look for spring?

We are *so* glad you asked because we are kind of known for our fashion sense. We keep close tabs on all things stylish and current…

As pinned from lookeylikey.tumblr.com

This outfit has the perfect sherbet colors that really say “spring” as well as a flattering silhouette! This piece shows why every girl dreams of getting to wear couture at least once in her life. We all just want to look this pretty.

4. You say hot, I say creepy. What is the MUST HAVE toy for kids today?

You know we are partial to the Human Slingshot, but unfortunately small children can’t get a good airborne trajectory due to their size. Luckily, Pinterest and our friends at Hammacher Schlemmer came through with something even better…

as pinned from hammacher.com

It’s The Human Bowling Ball!! It is priced to sell at only $5,500 and is suitable for kids 5 and up! What kid wouldn’t go head over heels for fun like this?! Just make sure you get them out of the hermetically sealed PVC ball before their oxygen runs out. FUN!!

5. What is the ultimate Pinterest Nightmare? Have you ever come across something that was too horrific to blog?

The Ultimate Pinterest Nightmare is something that makes us stop in our tracks the moment the pin appears in our feed. Sometimes crying and/or shrieking is also involved. We have found SEVERAL things that were too awful-to dreadful- to foist upon our gentle readers. Here is the worst pin we ever saw…

pinned from…oh we love you too much to tell you

Obviously we decided to redact the really grisly parts for your protection.

6. Tell me a story from your recent girls weekend together!

Oh, dear. What happens on a Girls’ Weekend stays at the Girls’ Weekend, we’re afraid. However, we will neither confirm nor deny that this little beauty was cradled lovingly by Ashley as she slept.

as pinned from etsy.com

It’s the Ryan Gosling Body Pillow! It’s really a crying shame that the pillow cuts off at the bottom just in the area where it’s starting to get good.

7. How did the Dose Girls get their start? How long have you been friends? Are your husbands friends too?

We have been friends since our girls started school together 6 years ago. Technically, our friendship began when Ashley stalked Lisa and forced her to be her friend. Venti Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Lattes may have been involved, but the details are kind of fuzzy at this point. It was just meant to be. Our husbands are friends and even have matching shoes.

As pinned from John Brewer

SPORTY MANDALS!! And you thought Crocs were ugly!! Back off ladies, they are all ours!

8. Who is the best Bachelor of all time?

We choose Arie. We don’t even care that he was not *technically* the Bachelor. It is only because Mike Fleiss hates America and did not respond well to our Arie campaign of the summer of 2013. Why, Mike, Why?

Right-click the photo and open the link in a new tab if you want to see the kissing video again. Go on, we’ll wait. You know you want to.

9. I stole this one from Rabia. What is the oldest unfinished draft in your folder? Why haven’t you finished it yet?

The title is “Mr. Wizard vs. Mr. Softie”. We have absolutely nothing written in it. So, your guess is as good as ours as to where we were going with that one. Tis’ a shame since the title seems quite clickable, no?

The world may never know…

10. It is 9:00 pm. The kids are at a sleepover and your husband is out with friends. How are you spending your time alone?

This one’s easy. We’re getting into this little baby PRONTO…

as pinned from eu.fab.com

It’s The Body Blanket!! All the convenience of footie pajamas with the fashion sense of a Slanket! Flattering on all body types. What could be better?!

Oh, Pinterest (and NJ!). No…just no.

Now, head on over to A Cookie Before Dinner and see the 10 questions we asked NJ! We may or may not have inquired how much she was willing to pay to bail us out of jail, among other things. At the very least, we’re sure you’ll want to ask her for her delicious corn pudding recipe!! 😀

Pinterest Nightmare #327: The 2013 Holiday Style Guide

Posted on December 6, 2013 by The Dose of Reality

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We’ve officially made it into the holiday season!

There are decorations to hang, creepy Elf people to plant on your shelves, and gift lists to complete. But there will be time for all of that later because now…

It’s time to Par-TAY!

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of holiday parties?

No, not booze.

It’s HOLIDAY FASHION!! You know you need to make the right impression when you hit the office party or cookie exchange.

The perfect holiday outfit has to have the right amount of holiday cheer and elan to make everyone sit up and take notice! Ugly Christmas sweaters need not apply!

You know where you can head for all your head-to-toe holiday glamour needs…PINTEREST!!

Let’s hit it!

Baby it’s cold outside-so you’re going to want the ultimate holiday hat to add a little oomph to your ensemble...

Pinterest Nightmare #327a: Scorpion Facehugger Headpiece

as pinned from etsy.com

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Are the shiny white tassels a little over the top?” No, it’s the holidays! People expect you to glam it up a bit at the preschool Christmas pageant.

While it’s true that the scorpion isn’t traditionally associated with yuletide cheer, the barb at the end of the stinger mimics a Christmas tree effectively and the netting will keep your neck warm. Add to that the impressive use of sequins and six face framing legs, and we’re sold!

Now that we’ve got a great hat, we need to consider hair and makeup. You don’t want to head into the holiday season with your standard everyday look. You’ve got to turn it up a notch if you are celebrating…

Pinterest Nightmare #327b: The Perfect Hair and Makeup

as pinned from tomandlorenzo.com from the Thom Browne 2014 RTW runway show

When we found this pin, it was like getting a hair and makeup consultation with a Hollywood pro. Look at the resigned and slightly depressed expression the model is sporting. That’s EXACTLY what we look like at the end of a long day of mall shopping.

A strong, red lip is perfect for the holidays! Even though we’re not makeup artists, we’re pretty sure even *we* can mimic this application during red lights even if we have to brake quickly. In fact, that may help.

And who doesn’t want a hairdo that will add a little height and lift to their crown area? Even better, this is naturally how your hair will look when you remove the Scorpion Facehugger Headpiece! Synergy!

Now we’re moving on to the main event. It’s all been leading up to this moment. Thanks to Pinterest, we’ve found the perfect garment to convey effortless holiday chic…

Pinterest Nightmare #327c: Beaver Pelt Halter Top

as pinned from rstyle.me

You can keep your ferrets, voles, and muskrats…NONE of them have the allure of Beaver fur. Beaver is really the only semiaquatic large-sized rodent worth wearing this holiday season. You can quote us on that.

Naturally, we’d pair this halter with a pair of demure bikini jeans to complete the look to perfection.

And finally, you can’t plan a holiday outfit without quality footwear…

Pinterest Nightmare #327d: Noë Toe Shoe Pumps

as pinned from shoe-tease.com

When I first heard “toe shoes” I envisioned Clara from The Nutcracker treating us to an en pointe solo. These pumps are even better.

They’ll give your holiday outfit the perfect pop of festive color, and if you don’t have time to schedule a pedicure before the office party, NO PROBLEM! I think that left foot may be working on a little bit of a hammertoe, but that just adds to the charm!

Well, what do you think?

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

A Lazy Mom’s Guide To The Elf On The Shelf

Posted on December 5, 2013 by The Dose of Reality

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Little Elf has been in my home since Sunday. The most creative thing he has done so far was swing on the snowman decoration, which wasn’t really all that amazing and actually might have been somewhat inappropriate if I am being really honest. Pretty sure the fact that today he is simply stuck out of a drawer probably says it all.

So, there is this thing called Elf on the Shelf.

Oh, wait, you have heard of it?

Skip ahead a bit then.

For those of you new to the phenomemon, let me give you a little back story: The Elf of the Shelf is this magical creature who comes all the way from ~~The North Pole~~ Barnes and Noble to live in your house for some period of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our elf always arrives on December the 1st, but I do know lots of people who welcome theirs the day after Thanksgiving. I like to believe that “Little Elf” (the moniker chosen for our elf…we are nothing if not out of the box thinkers in our house!) knows that I can only handle so many days of magical, mysterious, original hiding spots!

Unlike Lisa, who has a bit of a ~~love/hate~~ hate/hate relationship with her elf, I actually enjoy the elf. Don’t get me wrong, I grumble and moan and complain as much as possible about it, but in the end I am glad we do it. My kids love Little Elf and delight at getting to find him each morning in our house. Thanks to my hubby’s masterful elf surgical skills, our elf actually has tiny magnets in his hands, which allow him to go places not normally possible.

For some reason, though, this year I am feeling the pressure of the elf in a way that I have not before. And actually, it is not for some reason, it is for THE reason. The one that I can barely think about without getting choked up, and the one that I really don’t want to acknowledge out loud. But, I will, because I know those of you who have experienced this will help me. I really feel like this is Emma’s last year to truly believe. SOB.

I can already see that the cracks in the foundation of her magical thinking are appearing. She is starting to ask questions without actually wanting the answers. You know how you can just tell with your child when they truly want to know the truth and then you also know when they need to believe a little while longer. That is where we are. And as ready as I think I am to have the conversation with her (I have actually been saving this blog post for the last year and a half because it so perfectly states what I want to say), the thought of actually doing it breaks my heart.

Knowing that all of that, I feel the presence of the elf more intensely. I find myself on Pinterest almost daily pinning various ways the elf can be hidden that will most certainly bring a smile to my children’s faces…something, I might add that is not always easy to do at o’ dark thirty on a school morning. Based on all of the sites I have pinned, I could have our Little Elf come in September and STILL not run out of ideas.

So, you might be asking, what is the point of this post then? After all, it sounds like you have a solid plan and are properly motivated by the fact that your first born should have an especially magical Christmas season, so tell us Ashley, what are you actually trying to say?

Y’all, my early morning, just after the kids leave for school, sipping a hot cup of coffee, blissfully browsing the interwebs self looks quite different from my post bedtime, nerves frayed, just want to be left alone with my TiVo remote and my Draw Something on the iPod self. Shocking, I know, right?

It turns out that come 8:00 p.m. I am not in much of a mood to be clever or crafty. I look around the kitchen and think about the possibility of having Little Elf cleverly posed with some homemade mini pancakes and a spatula and find myself wondering if sticking him in that morning’s leftover toast crumbs would create the same illusion.

Or sure, how fun would it be to have him write all over the bathtub walls with our tub crayons? Guess what, y’all, I can’t even find a blank space on the tile walls because the kids already write on them ALL.THE.TIME. And obviously, removing the writing would involve actual cleaning, like with a sponge and scrubbing.

One of the ideas I keep seeing involves having the elf (maybe to show your children what naughty looks like?) wrap the entire toilet in wrapping paper. Given that I can’t wrap a CD without an entire roll of tape and two helpers, I am pretty sure my attempt at wrapping up our toilet would lead to a midnight emergency plumbing call.

So, I find myself doing what I always do. Just putting Little Elf somewhere and calling it a night. His magnetic hands do allow placement in some stranger places, but really, how many times is it acceptable to wake up to find the elf hanging from the chandelier? I mean without a naked Barbie or three alongside him to justify his swinging?

All of this then makes me feel guilty because I am too tired/lazy/unmotivated to make Christmas special for my older daughter (or in turn her younger sister). I have Elf Mom Guilt.

But then I talked it through with Lisa and came to the realization that if I suddenly switched things up and became an Elf Super Mom that would be even MORE suspicious to my children.

Like for four years the Elf basically moves from spot to spot year after year and then all of the sudden he is outside building a miniature tree fort from popsicle sticks? Or he goes from sitting next to Barbie in the pink convertible to riding shotgun in a car completely made from Legos?

They would notice that something wasn’t right, wouldn’t they? I mean, Little Elf is who he is. They love him. Who am I to think I should change him from a perfectly average elf doing his thing to some Martha Stewart wanna be that tries just a little too hard?

So now I’m thinking if I want to do right by my girls and keep the magic alive, I have only one choice. Let Little Elf be Little Elf. It’s for the children, y’all.