Warning right off the top: This post is not safe to read with little eyes around! And probably will trigger your work SPAM filters, despite the fact that I swear never to actually type out the word S-E-X. Phew. I feel better now. I don’t need emails later about how I ruined your child’s Christmas or how you now have to attend your company’s “safe internet use” policy and procedure seminar.

It seems you have been using the company computer to read about S-E-X. And I still need those TPS reports, so yeah, I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday.

It has been a while since we presented you with one of our head-scratching Would You Rather scenarios, but we have a doozy today.

It all started with a conversation way back in the fall of 2013. I had thought about making it a Would You Rather then, but those levels of Candy Crush weren’t going to play themselves time got away from me. You get it, I am sure.

It is no secret that I do not think well on my feet, especially when it comes to the tough questions in motherhood. Questions like, “How exactly does the baby get into your tummy?” and “Why does my toy from Santa have a Target sticker on it?”

Look kids, squirrel!

But the tough conversations are coming. And we have to be prepared for them. And by we, I mean Lisa. See, I decided that she is better equipped to handle these situations. She has no qualms about talking about S-E-X (even using correct terminology and everything!), whereas I would prefer to shower with my clothes on. So the mere idea of “going there” with my children tends to leave me rocking in the corner and crying feeling a bit unsettled.

I told her that I would trade her. If she would spill the beans on the whole birds and the bees situation, then I would take the Santa conversation for her.

Total bestie win-win, am I right?

We decided to bring the question to our Dose Peeps and see which option you would prefer.

So here is the scenario: You have to tell your best friend’s child the real truth about the big guy in the red suit OR you have to give the nitty gritty details on just exactly what happens when a mommy and a daddy really love each other.

In both scenarios, the child is of an appropriate age to find out, so it is not like you are having to spill the beans to a 4 year-old or anything. But nevertheless, you will forever be known as the one who gave up the goods on what could probably be declared the two most uncomfortable childhood conversations.

No, you may not. Now get busy answering this question! No pressure or anything.

Would you rather talk Santa or S-E-X? Remember, you have to pick a side. My jeans already don’t fit from the last time I had to eat my feelings.