The Dose Girls wish you a…
Have a wonderful day filled with family, fun, and TURKEY!!
Gobble Gobble!!
40
It’s almost go-time for Thanksgiving.
Prep mode is well underway. Recipes have been revamped and perfected, shopping lists triple checked, table linens spot checked for stains, and the number of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line has been programmed into speed dial. It’s all coming together!
The final touch of any Thanksgiving Day planning is finalizing the seating chart for the big event. Getting this step right is crucial in determining the success of the entire day. You know you can’t sit Uncle Fred next to Cousin Arthur after “The Great Pumpkin Pie Incident” of 2007. You’ve also got to decide…is it time to move Dakota up from the kiddie table or will he scandalize Memaw by Instagraming selfies during the meal? Will placing two people between Candace and Ned be enough to keep them from arguing about Obamacare?
It’s so nerve-wracking it almost makes you consider letting Phyllis host next year. (Okay, not really. She puts oysters in her stuffing. Ew.)
The only members of the extended family that are low maintenance are the pets! Your cats will perch on the back of the couch eyeing everyone with contempt, and your dogs will lovingly drool at your feet snarfing down any crumbs that fall their way. At least you don’t have to worry about them!
Or do you? Thanks to Pinterest, you may need to revise your master plan for guest placement one more time because guess who’s coming to dinner…
Pinterest Nightmare #132: The Pet High Chair
as pinned from hammacher.com
Fee Fee never felt so much a part of the family as when she was strapped into position at the head of the table and given her own parfait dish of mashed potatoes and gravy. The smile on her face says it all!
According to the Hammacher Schlemmer website, The Pet High Chair not only keeps your furbaby from having to beg at your feet for food like a peasant, but it also “assuages pet separation anxiety and promotes more refined behavior”. Finally I’ve found something to help cut down on Puddles’ therapy bills. What a relief!
I have to admit, I’ve always been a little embarrassed that my mixed breed didn’t have better table manners. Now we can begin working on the fundamentals of etiquette like putting her napkin in her lap and identifying the shrimp fork.
And really, why should high chairs be the sole domain of human babies anyway? What makes *them* so special? Sure, they are carrying on your DNA for all posterity, but can they catch a Frisbee or find illegal narcotics in the customs line at the airport? Nosiree! Pets have earned their place at the table! They aren’t relying on nepotism!
I do have a few concerns. It could be really difficult for Fluffy to pass the green bean casserole around the table without thumbs. Also, her very presence would render a doggie bag at the end of the meal obsolete. But these are small issues compared to the happiness everyone will feel as they give thanks sitting eye to eye across the table from your bichon frise.
I can already imagine the look on my mother-in-law’s face as I strap her granddog into a Pet High Chair between Bobby and Lucy at the table this Thanksgiving…
Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.
Yesterday The Dose Girls took a detour to Starbucks before hitting the carpool line. I ordered my usual, a Decaf Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dulce Latte (3 Weight Watchers points), and Ashley got her beloved Venti Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate with Extra Whip and Double Chocolate Shavings (132 Weight Watchers points-don’t judge).
All was well until…SLOSH!
While waving her hands around to make a rather emphatic point about Wednesday’s episode of Survivor (How can she stand Tyson? GAH!), Ashley sloshed a large amount of cocoa down the front of her white t-shirt. My Tide Stain Stick was MIA, and all attempts to dab and wipe the brown stain away with water and napkins just made it worse.
Luckily it was a chilly day, so Ashley’s favorite long, robe-like sweater (our friend Cindy calls it a “swobe”) was on the scene. With a little tucking and pulling, Ashley was able to cinch the swobe tightly enough to cover her torso, avoiding any strange looks in the school pick up line. Whew!
But what would have happened if the swobe had been soiled, too? Would she have had to face the carpool line looking like she’d been on a Starbucks bender? The questions haunted us.
As happens so often, we found the perfect solution while on Pinterest.
BEHOLD!
Pinterest Nightmare #764: The Slobstopper
as pinned from otakku.com
That royal blue fabric you are spying is the first full-body bib made exclusively for adults! It’s the Slobstopper! Thanks to two layers of high quality polyurethane laminate secured by a velcro tab, we grown-ups can now enjoy life without the hassle and pressure of trying to feed ourselves carefully!
Notice how the dude in the picture isn’t even trying to purse his lips around his coffee cup? Aiming for your mouth is for SUCKERS! He can just dump that cup of Joe right in his lap and keep on trucking. That’s what freedom taste like, friends.
Feast your eyes on the Slopstopper in action…
The mom in the video is no fool! She fastened on a Slobstopper the minute her offspring entered the minivan. She’s not even eating, but she knows that kids are filthy. They might just start hurling juice boxes in her direction or, even worse, try to hug her with their sticky little paws. *shiver* Thank goodness she is fully protected.
Not only is the Slobstopper useful for the car, it’s perfect for fine dining, too! Americans are getting ready to sidle up to the Thanksgiving table in a few weeks. If you have to take the time to carefully fork things into your mouth, your Uncle Bill is going to finish off the sweet potato casserole before you even have a crack at a second helping! But strap on a Slobstopper, and you’ll be running with the big dogs, baby. Fast and Furious won’t just be the next Vin Diesel blockbuster, it will be your Thanksgiving motto. Oh…sorry, Uncle John. That was the last of the gravy. And it was delicious.
But most importantly, now that we’ve discovered the Slobstopper, we can whip out this fetching accessory in the car or at Starbucks and unsightly stains are a thing of the past! The Dose Girls will be covered! (literally)
We’ll never be embarrassed again! Whoo Hoo!
Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.
GO ON AND GOBBLE ‘TIL YOU WOBBLE!
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!
