don'teventhinkaboutmessingupsixteencandles Archives

Let’s have some fun on this Friday, shall we? Summer is winding down, back-to-shopping is beginning to commence, and the luster of the Olympics is starting to wear off (even with my super, amazing, “fancy” big screen).

What better way to kick-off the weekend than a battle between two of the most iconic ’80’s movie heartthrob characters of all time?

Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. Oh John Hughes, we miss you so. No one was able to capture the angst of being a teenager better than you (and Molly Ringwald, of course).

Let’s go head to head on this one, shall we? Jake Ryan vs. John Bender in the battle for your teenage heart. Who shall be crowned the ultimate ’80’s heartthrob of these two choices? This won’t be easy.

Jake Ryan vs. John Bender

First we have Jake Ryan. Oh Jake, you had it all, didn’t you? The perfect hair, the best preppy clothes, the sensitive soul, and of course those eyes, that smile, I am practically swooning while I write this. You didn’t need that Barbie doll girlfriend Caroline when you had Samantha waiting for you, just hoping that you would for once notice her. And notice her you did. When you leaned against your red Porsche waiting outside the wedding, my teenage heart almost burst.

But this is no cakewalk for you Jake. You have a worthy opponent in John Bender.

Bender, I can see you now with your smoldering, half-smile, half-sneer as you pretended to be so above it all. Your slightly dirty, but somehow still perfectly arranged bad boy hair, wearing your combat boots acting as if nothing mattered to you. Except for Claire, of course, because there was no denying the connection when you looked at her. Could a bad boy and a prom queen actually make it work? My teenage heart certainly wanted to think so.

So which one made your high school pulse race? Were you someone who went after the strait-laced, jock type or did you have a bit of an edge and look for the guy who would help you break some rules?

Not to leave out the ~~many~~ few men who read this blog (most of them related to me), what type of guy were you in high school (or which type did you wish to be)? Would we have found you hanging out with the cool crowd or in detention on Saturdays?

Tell me your choice in the comments and if you have a picture of yourself from high school, head on over to my Facebook page and share it. Think of that as your “extra credit” assignment!

There is a significant difference between making a sequel to an iconic film and remaking the actual film. But Hollywood today does not seem to understand the pleasures, guilty or not, of a sequel anymore … and it is really starting to get on my nerves.

Take Grease 2, for example – it totally stands alone. I know some of you must have hated the sequel, although I don’t understand how you could, but at least you have to give them credit for making a spin-off instead of trying to match the original. You can love the original Grease but still get a kick out of listening to Michelle Pfeiffer sing “Cool Rider.”

Honestly, I’ve even thought, at my low moments, that this remake fixation must be some sort of attempt to get Patrick Swayze to rise from his grave and come back to remake Ghost … but literally this time. All of this nonsense seems to have started with a remake production of a little movie some of you might remember called Footloose – released just yesterday.

Now, if you grew up at any point during the 1980’s, even if you were either A) like my sister and probably far too young to see the movie, or B) graduating college and perhaps not its original intended target audience, chances are still high that when you first saw Footloose you fell in love with Ren McCormack (Kevin Bacon) just like I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KN2tw9Bs9uA

You no doubt dreamed a little of being Lori Singer, wearing her oh-so 80’s pink prom dress, when her preacher daddy finally gave his blessing that dancing was again allowed in the town of Beaumont (yes, folks, the name of the town is spelled B-e-a-u-m-o-n-t, and I know this because I am from the state of Texas). And you probably teared up when you watched her mom give her the corsage that her uptight dad had secretly bought for her. (In preparation for writing this article, I had to go back to watch that whole part of the movie again, and I am here to tell you it was just as good as I remember.)

So imagine my horror when news came out a few months ago that the film was being remade. WHAT?!? No one in Hollywood could think of a single other script that could involve dancing? Are these people serious? Things grew even grimmer when I was sitting in a dark theater watching previews, usually my favorite part of the movie-going experience, and suddenly on the screen appeared the actual trailer for the completed “new and updated” version of Footloose.

Now, even if I had wanted to be excited about the possibility of an entire new generation finding this film, that want died a quick death in me the moment that the town sign flashed up on the screen with the word ‘Bomont’ written on it. Oh dear God, no. One can only assume that this tragic misspelling occurred because the actual town of Beaumont did not give permission for its name to be used, which immediately leads me to believe that if I saw this remade film, it would crush my 1984 soul.

I could barely watch the screen for the rest of the preview, but I saw enough to know that without a doubt these people impersonating classic roles were not the actors, nor could even be close to the caliber of actor from the original movie (and that is saying a lot when you are being compared to Lori Singer, let’s be frank). It only grew worse for me when I realized that not only had someone destroyed MY movie, but they were remaking the music as well.

That’s right (and go ahead and brace yourself), the new version of “Footloose” is being sung by Blake Shelton. Now, I love Blake as much as the next girl, but come on … this song is owned by Kenny Loggins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUsNpfXwEy0

And then to find out, and I will go ahead and give you a minute to gather some Kleenexes, that they are also adding new versions of the songs “Almost Paradise,” “Holding Out for a Hero,” and “Let’s Hear it for the Boy.” Well, pretty much my day was ruined. But, you know what, I was going to stay strong and not give up, so what if my Hollywood had ONE misstep. I mean, it can happen right? Everyone is allowed one mulligan. Phew, okay, everything will be fine. I can still love movies.

BUT THEN IT HAPPENED…

The news broke. No doubt you heard about it. I mean it was probably the biggest story of the entire year. It is a wonder people weren’t taking to the streets in protest, honestly.

It was announced that there was going to be a remake of the movie Dirty Dancing.

You know, the one that changed ALL of our lives. The one that inspired girls everywhere to dream of a man saying, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” The one that had my sister and me practicing “the lift” for hours on end in my grandmother’s front yard. The movie that we all still quote on practically a daily basis. The one that starred, for God’s sake, a man who has since DIED. I mean, really, REALLY! What is our society coming to people?

Here is the truth about Dirty Dancing, and one that I think someone in some producer’s meeting should have been shouting from the rooftop. It is a TIMELESS CLASSIC. See, the beauty of the movie is that despite the fact that it was released in 1987, it was set in the 1960’s – so really, its release date is immaterial. Kind of like Gone with the Wind. It didn’t actually have to come out during the Civil War to be about the Civil War. It is not as though when Dirty Dancing came out, people still wore crinoline under their dresses. That didn’t matter, though, because it was the story and the characters we all fell in love with while watching that film.

And Hollywood, listen up now, because I am talking to you … we don’t want to do it again, okay? We don’t need another Johnny Castle. Or Baby Houseman. God knows, we certainly do not need an updated version of “I’ve Had the Time of My Life.” So really, if you want to do us all a big favor and allow the next generation the chance to fall in love with the movie that is Dirty Dancing(because I can so see this being their advertising tagline “In 1987, fans all over the world fell in love with Dirty Dancing, it is now time for a new generation to experience the magic” … excuse me while I throw up at the gross out factor of that idea), then just re-release the original movie.

Give us all a chance to see it again, like it is the first time all over again. See, that could be an advertising tagline, too. Really these people should just hire me to help them steer clear of this disaster in the making. I mean, they re-released The Lion King, right? So we know it can be done. I am already stealing my heart for the breakage that will happen the first time I am in a theater and a preview comes on for this “new” movie of Dirty Dancing.

If the next thing I see on a preview screen is Zac Efron sitting across the dining room table from Vanessa Hudgins with a birthday cake between them because his “Jake Ryan” remembered her birthday, then I will probably have a full-on mental meltdown and start calling my Congressman to do something about this horrific injustice against humanity.