I was talking to the teenage sister of one of Lucy’s friends the other day. She’s a great girl, and I like to chit chat with the teens from time to time to make sure my lingo is current.

What I discovered shocked me. No, it wasn’t her copious usage of “swag”. It wasn’t even when she threw a YOLO at me. What got me was her revelation that the “in” thing at her high school was guys wearing leggings as pants. They are known as….meggings.

I was fascinated and distressed all at once. Had this man-trend come to Charlotte and I’d totally missed it? Is this really a thing?

So I did what I always do in times of confusion. I turned to Pinterest for guidance.

Pinterest didn’t let me down…

Pinterest Nightmare #728: Meggings

Feast your eyes on the raw masculinity of…MEGGINGS!!

Most of the meggings featured on Pinterest are capri length, like the ones above, which really compounds the virility of the look. But if your man is a little more traditional, don’t worry. There are definitely ankle length examples as well.

It makes sense that meggings are taking the fashion world by storm. Most men put comfort far above any other criteria when getting dressed. What could be more comfortable than meggings? They have the benefit of technically rendering you ineligible for an indecent exposure arrest, but without the discomfort and constriction of actual pants.

But the benefits don’t stop there. Look closely at those meggings. Do you see an unsightly panty line? In order to wear meggings, a man is making a real commitment to going commando. But it’s not like your grandpa’s commando in outdated baggy pants. No, sir! It’s a commando that provides a feeling of safety and cradling than men long for.

Meggings are versatile, too! The stripey capris above are jaunty with a hint of classic flair that you can envision in the fast paced world of New York high finance. But pair them with a casual cropped blouse like the pin below, and you’ve got a perfect day to evening look for a night on the town. People won’t be able to take their eyes off of this guy and what he’s bringing to the party, amiright?

Still not convinced? Meggings are a foolproof form of contraception. They are 100% effective, which is a better track record than the birth control pill or babysitting toddlers. Would you sleep with a man who came to the door wearing capri meggings and a polo shirt? I rest my case.

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.