Category Archives: Judgment Day

Silence Is Not An Option

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I can stay silent no more.

This could possibly alienate a very close personal friend, someone I truly would never want to hurt with my words and yet here I sit, unable, unwilling to stay silent any longer. I have to hope she will understand, I have to believe she will know that my intention is to share my feelings in the same way that she would know I would want her to share her own feelings.

I have thought about writing about the Penn State scandal since the story broke. Others have done it, most of them far better than I could ever hope to do, in fact. In light of the report that was just released and despite the fact that Joe Paterno is dead, I am speaking out.

I cannot stomach reading one more time about how this man is a hero, because of how he coached young men for years on and off the football field. How he was an inspiration to students and parents because he walked the campus like a mere mortal. When it mattered the very most, this man, this “hero” failed so profoundly that there is no recovering from that in my book. What is the famous line? It is what you do when no one is looking that shows your true character or something like that? Well folks, I think we can all now see that when no one was looking, Joe Paterno was certainly no hero I would ever choose to celebrate. He turned a blind eye to the rape of a child, and let’s be very clear here, he had been told point blank that a child was being raped in his locker room showers, because it might damage the reputation of his University and his beloved football program. Never mind, I suppose the damage that was being done to that child or would continue to be done to the children who came after.

Please do not misunderstand me here. I realize that this scandal was not solely the responsibility of Joe Paterno. I know that the abuser was Jerry Sandusky. I know that the cover-up was perpetuated by others besides Paterno, but here is what I also know about large football programs with men like Paterno at the helm; the buck stops with him. If the leader of that program says enough changes are made, charges are filed, children are protected. Make no mistake about that. This was not a trustee issue or a university police issue. This was a Joe Paterno issue. The moment that he decided not to proceed with protecting the victim, the child who was being raped in the shower by his own assistant coach, was the moment that any hero status he might have ever earned became null and void.

In order to be considered a real hero, you must protect victimized children. They should be your concern, not your own legacy, not the money your football program brings in, not the reputation of your university. In fact protecting victimized children wouldn’t even make you a hero, it would simply make you a decent human being.

“Time” To Read Another Magazine

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Anyone seen the latest cover of Time magazine?

Chances are good if you were anywhere near Facebook today you may have caught a glimpse. If not, here it is.

On the cover: Jamie Grumet, 26, and her son, 3, whom she breastfeeds. Photograph by Martin Schoeller for TIME

Now, I know you are all thinking you know where this is headed, and if you think I am going to talk about how I am incredibly insulted by the headline of the magazine that will be hitting news stands just in time for Mother’s Day, then you are right.

“Are you mom enough?”

Seriously, Time magazine, seriously?

I certainly can’t imagine seeing that headline about fathers before Father’s Day or any other week of the year, quite frankly, so what makes you believe it is appropriate for mothers, especially on this weekend?

I won’t be purchasing your magazine or any other issue, thank you very much, but I will go ahead and answer your question.

Yes, I am mom enough.

You know why? Because I am a mom.

And that Time magazine is enough.

The act of actually doing is enough.

The only “style” of parenting that matters is the one where you are raising your children to be upstanding, productive members of society who don’t suck.

So, my dear, readers this is my Mother’s Day wish for you:

1) Don’t buy Time.

2) Know from the bottom of your own heart that even if your Mother’s Day card is written right in front of you (What? Huh? I totally don’t mean that could ever happen to anyone me), you are Mom Enough.

P.S. If you are looking for a way to feel really good about humanity this Mother’s Day, head on over and visit one of my favorite blogs on the planet and check out how they helped the world this Mother’s Day. They are most definitely Mom Enough,and I took great pride in doing my part to be one of their Mother Puckers!

 

Passing It On

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I love voting for reality TV shows and for everyone who rallied to vote for Chris Mann on The Voice, my hat is off to you. Audience participation is always great fun.

Yesterday, though, in the state of North Carolina, I got to participate in a real vote, as we had a primary election here. It was a reminder to me of the value of living in our country and how important it is to use our voices to participate in our democracy.

I took Abby with me to vote, just as my mother used to take my sister and me with her when she voted. Like my mother did, I talked to her about what we were doing and why. I even let her press one of the buttons on the machine, so that she could feel like she was genuinely a part of the process.

She was so proud to receive her “I Voted” sticker.

I was proud to carry on a tradition passed on from my mother and to stand on the side of all families by voting against Amendment One. I just wish the majority of North Carolinians had felt the same way.

 

You Want a Real Mommy War?

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Instead of pitting working moms against stay-at-home moms, which is so totally ridiculous I would laugh if it weren’t actually happening, let’s start a war on the moms who don’t want to own up to the reality that is motherhood and marriage. How about that?

How about instead of focusing all of our energy tearing down the women who get up every day and “suit up” to play, whether it be in a full blown business suit or yesterday’s spit-up covered yoga pants, but who openly acknowledge that what they are doing comes with great sacrifice, we laser in on the women who act like this job is the greatest, easiest thing they have ever done.

I have a lot of friends who fall on both sides of this particular aisle, and the reason they are friends is because they are the first ones to admit that they cannot have it all…at least not at the same time and certainly not in equal measured parts. The ones who had a slam dunk at work that day often did so because they were missing their child’s school field trip. Or the ones who gave up their careers to make it on the field trip yelled at their kids in the car on the way there.

Here is the real dose of reality for you…no one *wants* to be working at any of this. We would actually love for it all to come naturally, kind of like stretch marks and gray hair did. But, it doesn’t, so when you are talking with someone who says something asinine like she can’t imagine spending a minute away from her babies, or she has never missed a single milestone event because she had to take one more call at the office, or that she feels great pleasure in folding tiny little baby socks for the 800th time, then unless she is also coughing up the exact medication, dosage and possible side effects from whatever she is taking to help her achieve this Zen-like bliss, she is lying.

That’s right, I am saying it, that is the war I *want* to wage. Against the lying moms. Those mommies are like the airbrushed magazine cover mommies. Yeah, we would all look fantastic if you brushed away all the wrinkles and cellulite and mommy guilt. Good news for you pundits out there, they exist in the working and stay-at-home camps, no need to divide and conquer, just have at ’em! All of us real life moms, who aren’t afraid to share our fears and our deepest shameful moments of motherhood, let’s band together and smother these lying, liars with enough truth and reality and validation until they break down in tears and say, “Oh my God, yes, yes, it is all so hard, some days I don’t even know how I will make it from minute to the next, please let me be in your REAL mommy club.”

You got it, sister, jump right in.

If we keep it up the only mommy war left to be waged will be about who loves who more. No you’re a fantastic, hardworking, totally amazing mom. No, you are. No, you.