Stay Or Keep Going?

When I sat down to write today’s post about Ashley’s coffee creamer habit and how, inexplicably, it has transferred to me, I realized that it was almost lunch time. Because I take any opportunity to procrastinate didn’t want my creativity stifled by hunger, it seemed prudent to eat before getting down to work.

Because I appreciate a little TV while I’m eating my 8 point Weight Watcher lunch, I decided to check out what was playing on my cable’s premium movie channels. (I knew if I logged on to Netflix I’d start binge watching Season 3 of Sherlock and I’d never get the post written before carpool.)

As I waited for my Smart Ones Santa Fe Style Rice & Beans to reach a suitably mouth-scalding temperature in the microwave, I grabbed my remote control and starting flipping through the Cable Guide channel. I realized that not only had I found quality programming to distract me from my lunch, but I had also discovered a great new lunch time game!

In this game you read the descriptions and star ratings for each movie and decide…do I stay on this channel and watch this show as I eat my semi-satisfying lunch or do I take a gamble and keep going to the next title?

Here are a few of the actual, unedited synopses offered up for my viewing pleasure on Wednesday, April 30, 2014 at 11:42 a.m. as a subscriber to the Time Warner Cable Deluxe Preferred DVR Package. Pretend this is a “Choose Your Own Adventure” and play along with me! See how your choices match up with mine!

The Hunter -R- (2011) 2 1/2 stars Advisories: Violence, Adult Situations, Language
A shadowy corporation sends a mercenary (Willem Dafoe) to Tasmania to track down a nearly extinct tiger whose genetic code holds the secret to a dangerous weapon. Starring: Willem Dafoe, Frances O’Connor, Sam Neill, and Morgana Davies.

This was a tough one. I’m a sucker for anything science-y like the genetic code so this movie obviously peaked my interest. As a lifetime member of the World Wildlife Federation, I *do* want to support nearly extinct tigers, but it was the first thing I read so I decided to keep going.

NEXT…

 

Snitch -PG13- (2013) 2 1/2 stars Advisories: Violence, Adult Situations
To save his teenage son from an unjust prison sentence, a businessman (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) makes a deal with a U.S. attorney to infiltrate a dangerous drug cartel and becomes an informant. Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Berry Pepper, and Susan Sarandon.

Don’t you just hate it when a U.S. Attorney makes unsuspecting business men do dangerous undercover work? Since I feel like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson could never surpass his work in Tooth Fairy, I decided to keep going. (and an aside: Something must have gone very wrong in Susan Sarandon’s life. She won an Oscar in 1995. Oh, Susan!)

MOVING RIGHT ALONG…

 

Mimic -R- (1997) 2 1/2 stars Advisories: Violence, Adult Situations, Language
Married scientists (Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam) battle killer cockroaches that develop the ability to assume human form. Starring: Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, and Josh Brolin.

There sure are a lot of 2 1/2 star movies, aren’t there? Who knew? Here we have another Academy Award winning actress brought low. Hollywood sure is a tough gig. Although I concede that a movie depicting cockroaches assuming human form sounds gripping, it might not be appetizing. I decided to keep going.

CLICK…

 

Extreme Prejudice -R- (1987) 2 1/2 stars Advisories: Brief Nudity, Graphic Violence
A border-town Texas Ranger (Nick Nolte) gets caught between a drug-dealing ex-friend and a Major’s commandos. Starring: Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe, and Michael Ironside.

While nobody can deny that the pairing of Nick Nolte and brief nudity are intriguing, ultimately the only Texas Ranger I want to see does karate kicks and is named Chuck Norris. I kept going.

DING…(My lunch was ready! Last one…)

 

Bridge of Dragons -R- (1999) 1 1/2 stars Advisories: Violence
A man (Dolph Lundgren) helps a rebel princess overthrow the evil general who killed her father and seized the throne. Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Rachel Shane, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa.

I am a *big* Game of Thrones fan, so the promise of dragons along with the talent of a late ’90s Dolph Lundgren was practically irresistible! Then I noticed Bridge of Dragons garnered a mere 1 1/2 stars. I happen to pay close attention to the Time Warner Cable star rating system and I know that even From Justin to Kelly got 2 stars. But my rice and beans were cooling…so what did I do?

I turned the TV off and called Ashley. I know it’s irritating to hear someone chew and slurp on the other end of the line, but it had been almost two hours since I’d talked to her so obviously we had a lot to discuss. Besides, I needed to tell her that the coffee cream post would probably be…delayed.

What decisions did you make with Stay or Keep Going? Do you think I chose wisely, or did I pass up a world class film in my desire to make sure nothing better was around the corner? Are you as concerned for Susan Sarandon and Mira Sorvino as I am? Am I overpaying Time Warner Cable for my Deluxe Preferred DVR package? Let me know in the comments.

 

We Had Words With An Actual Celebrity!

We *LOVE* this month.

Is it the never-ending cold? Is it the string of 101 back-to-back snow days where we’re all trapped inside with hours of togetherness?

NO!

It’s because it’s “Febru-Arie”- a month so special it is named after our favorite reality TV superstar.

February

(Bet you thought we were going to put the kissing video here. Ha! No way. We’re totally doing that at the end.)

During a very important blog meeting where we read Entertainment Weekly’s excellent interview with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler aloud in Starbucks (Totally legit blog work, y’all), we came to a realization…

Ashley: Why don’t we ever get to interview celebrities?

Lisa: I think it’s because we don’t know any celebrities.

Ashley: That seems really unfair and arbitrary.

Lisa: Well, it could also be that we’ve never asked a celebrity for an interview.

Ashley: You can’t just do that…just ask them!

Lisa: Why not?

Ashley: That’s not how it’s done.

Lisa: I bet it is. Let’s do it! OMG…do you know what would be the best thing EVER? Let’s ask Arie! He follows us on Twitter so if we tweeted him about 500 times surely he’d eventually respond, right?

Ashley: Or block us…but we’ve got to go for it.

And so we DID!

After only 23 tweets in which we tagged and hashtagged him relentlessly and several direct messages, he agreed! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

Dose Girls & Arie!

Obviously he was wildly enthusiastic about the idea!

Now, we offered to do our interview via Skype in which we suggested he attend the interview shirtless. (You see, we’ve never done a celebrity interview before and we’ve been told that it helps if you can visualize your audience is in his underwear)

Unfortunately, Arie’s schedule (and the pesky restraining order) didn’t allow for our Skype session, but he did agree to answer some email questions for us. (But we’re relatively sure that he was shirtless when he answered them).

Here are our probing questions, his answers, and our reactions to them.

Q: Obviously Febru-Arie is our favorite month. We celebrate by photoshopping your head into various pictures with us. How do you commemorate this magical time of year?

Arie: I think the best thing to realize is that chocolate and wine make everything better. Make sure to commemorate FebruArie by consuming these on a nightly basis!

Well if Arie says we have to, we have to! Weight Watchers be damned! On it!

Q: What is your favorite blog? Is it The Dose of Reality or is it our blog, The Dose of Reality? Please elaborate.

Arie: Haha! Well I do appreciate your commitment. I think all of America should get on your level. It would be a better place!

OMG…did he just propose to us? Did he just says he wants a commitment with us? We sort of blacked out and everything just went foggy.

Q: We made a “Flat Arie” and we carry him everywhere. If we made a Flat Lisa and Flat Ashley and mailed them to you, what kind of selfie would you take with them?

Arie: How’s the racetrack? Could you handle the speed?

At the track with Arie

Q: As you may know, we are both in the medical field so this question is strictly professional. Since you have been scientifically proven to be the best kisser in the Western Hemisphere, how do you keep the four muscles comprising your obricularis oris in shape?

Arie: Practice…practice makes perfect.

“We’re so glad you are such a perfectionist,” said every woman in the world.

 

Q: We are known for two things: our devotion to Arie and Pinterest Nightmares. Of these three Pinterest Nightmares-The Nubrella, Meggings, and The Slobstopper— which would you wear and why?

Arie: Meggings all the way…I mean, I think I already saw Juan Pablo rocking them?

We wouldn’t know because we are boycotting this season. We wanted Bachelor Arie, and we weren’t going to settle for anything less. But…

 

Arie in Meggings
Now, we bet that some of you reading this probably think we have made up this interview. Nope! These were actual Arie’s actual answers!! For reals you guys!!
So thank you, Arie, for having a few words with us and for being the subject of our first ever celebrity interview! You’ve totally made our dreams come true. There will be no living with us now!!

 

And no, Dose peeps, we’d never forget to include this…

 

We Do Want THIS “Cole” in Our Stocking

We gave up TV.

No, not watching it. We’re still alive. We just gave up writing about it.

We were burned by The Bachelor-and not the kind of burning The Bachelor usually gives you that is easily cured by a strong dose of penicillin. No. This was serious.

The Bachelor overlord and evil dream crusher, Mike Fleiss, didn’t choose Arie as the next Bachelor.

unfair

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were devastated. We took time off to lick our wounds (and watched the Arie kissing video about 100 times). We vowed NEVER to get so involved in a TV show again.

Until now.

You see, although we haven’t been writing about our latest TV obsession, we are totally caught up in its spell, and we don’t care who knows it!

 

It’s THE VOICE!

Yes, we’ve written about The Voice many times before, but this time is special. This time we are *really* smitten.

 

 

No, we’re not taken with a new animal Cee Lo has brought to the table. This season his wrangler must be on vacay because we’ve seen nary a beast in his lap or on his shoulder. (Although his stylist has been on a roll. His ensemble for the last episode had an Emperor Palpatine meets Zorro flair done exclusively in black leather. It was fantastic.)

It’s not with Christina, although she seems to be remembering to wear crotch covering separates now more than in any previous season. She’s even made a real effort to be NICE to the contestants. It must be killing her.

It’s not even with People Magazine’s reigning “Sexiest Man Alive” Adam, although he continues to bring his soprano voiced enthusiasm to the table (and a current Brylcreem’d hairdo that is bordering on Jimmy Neutron levels of pompadour height).

Best Tweet EVAH

Actual Tweet by our friend Gayle who is @dogmagayle on Twitter. She’s awesome!

 

 

It isn’t even that OUR VERY OWN TWITTER HANDLE made it onto the televised broadcast (although that was certainly thrilling)!

 

 

 

 

Nope!! We are totally Team Blake this season!! More specifically, we absolutely LOVE his honey voiced, unique, guitar playing, uber talented contestant…

We ADORE him.

Originally Cole was on Team Cee Lo. Thank goodness for Cee Lo’s excellent ear because he was the only chair that turned for Cole! Can you imagine?! After the Knock Out Round both Adam and Blake tried to steal him, but Cole chose Blake!

The show has SO much talent this season. We think James Wolpert is absolutely amazing, and we loved Matthew Schuler who went home last week. They were our ultimate, dream Top 3.

But our hearts (and iPod playlists) are dominated by Cole.

His voice is like butter. It’s soulful and gorgeous. Cole sings with so much heart and emotion, it just draws you in. When we finish listening to one of his songs, we want to hit the replay button immediately. We just never get tired on his laid-back take on every single song he does. On top of that, he seems to be a genuinely nice person.

Now, we’d be enchanted by Cole and his beautiful voice even if he had the smooth cheeks of a newborn baby but, we have to admit, we really dig his hirsute look. We’re just nuts about his beard. His beard is so glorious it has its own Twitter account. In fact, @Coles_Beard has over 10 times more Twitter followers than the next most famous beard we know- Uncle Si’s Beard. Those are some powerful hair follicles right there!!

cole's grandma

 

Cole even has the sweetest Grandmother who is always in the audience to hear her boy sing. She’s always talking with and being supportive to the other contestants’ families, too.

Isn’t she ADORBS?!

 

 

If you aren’t watching The Voice this season (But wait…why aren’t you? Don’t you like talent, entertainment, and adorable Meemaws?), you need to be watching for Cole Vosbury. He’s singing tonight for a coveted spot in next week’s Finale. We want our Cole to go ALL THE WAY and win this thing!

So get on the #ColeTrain and join us tonight. We cannot let Cole down. We’ve already been traumatized enough by the fact that Arie isn’t going to be the next Bachelor. (A whole season of Juan Pablo…REALLY, FLEISS? What did we ever do to you? *sob*)

We are totally due for a television win, Santa, and we’ve been so good this year! (okay…we’ve been “good-ish”) A win for Cole Vosbury is exactly the kind of “Cole” we *do* want in our stocking this year!!

Cole in our Stockings

 

Racism For Ratings: Big Brother 15

You could not meet two bigger Big Brother fans than The Dose Girls. The one thing that keeps us going in the summer is the arrival of another new season.

Ashley the Mega Fan and Shirt

Each summer CBS picks 16 strangers to live in a house and be filmed 24 hours a day in this game show. Think of MTV’s The Real World meets Survivor, and you’ll get the idea. Each week a houseguest is voted out until one is crowned the winner and receives the $500,000 grand prize. Not only is there a prime time show that airs three times a week, but for reality TV addicts like us, it’s even better. You can purchase a subscription to uncensored, unedited, live internet feeds from the house that run 24/7.

 

The live internet feed *really* gives you access to what is going on in the house…boy, does it ever.

This summer we anxiously awaited the start of this season and got our subscription to the live feeds. What we saw there this season turned our stomachs. Just one week into the show, we both cancelled our subscriptions to the feeds and dropped the show from our viewing schedule in disgust.

What happened?

You see, this year the cast is chock full of racists.

Although the prime time broadcast has been carefully edited to show almost none of it, the dozens of cameras and microphones placed around for the live internet feeds have picked up *many* cast members saying some of the most vile things we’ve ever heard. No, not just on TV- we mean ANYWHERE.

A few weeks ago the media picked up the story. Under this pressure, CBS was eventually forced to mention some of the racial slurs on the show. They decided to make it seem like one houseguest, Aaryn, was the only person engaging in this behavior. Oh, she definitely was, but she was *far* from the only one.

They neglected to let us know that the Asian American contestant has been told to “shut up and make rice”, and it had been said that smacking her in the head might straighten her eyes. An African American contestant was accused of acting “too white” and soiling bed linens with her blackness. Another time they joked she should, “Cook us some pancakes, Aunt Jemima.” Oh, and one cast member even praised the efforts of doctors in Nazi Germany for giving us medical breakthroughs due to their concentration camp experiments.

No Harmony in Big Brother 15

If you want to be thoroughly disgusted you can click here to see a transcript of some of the specific comments that have been made. Here is a compilation video of some of the awful video moments. Here is another. They are horrific. You’ve been warned.

Here’s the thing. Except for showing a few brief moments of what only one contestant did when they were forced into it by the media attention, the producers are hiding all of this from the public. They are pretending they have outed the one person doing it, and they’ve totally moved on.

They have not shown Amanda calling the African American contestant “Shaniqua” or referring to her as “the monkey”. They didn’t show GinaMarie saying the same contestant should do the laundry like “in The Help” giggling all the while. They have not put any of these or countless other statements on the actual TV show.

In fact, they go out of their way to make Amanda seem like a really nice person and GinaMarie seem like a silly, funny girl on the TV show. They have made sure that the TV show Amanda and GinaMarie bear no real-life resemblance to who they absolutely show themselves to be on the live feeds. None. If you only watched the TV show and not the live feeds, you’d never even know this was still going on at all.

“Good!”, you might think, “Nobody wants to see that!”

No, nobody does. But by not showing this side of these people to America, they are whitewashing what is happening in the house. They are doing absolutely *nothing* to stop it and are thus passively condoning it-and making a good deal of money from it while doing so.

Simply pretending it’s not happening does not means it’s not happening.

Just ask Howard. This is him coping behind closed doors after some blatant racist remarks were made. He’s alone. He’s praying for strength to hold it together while nobody else even knows it’s happening. It’s heartbreaking.

This makes us sick and enraged. All too frequently that’s how racism is handled in our country. We pretend it’s not happening so we don’t have to confront it and deal with it. Instead, we all make excuses and shove racism under the carpet and deny its existence. Racism is dead because we have a African American president! It only remains in older people from a certain era in the south! If we pay lip service to it one time, we’ve done all we need to do. Get over it!

But we can’t get over it. In reality, racism is alive and well in America. We don’t do ourselves any favors as a society if we deny that. These cast members are a cross section of America and what’s happening out there. They hail from all over the country. They are young and educated. They are a part of the newly “enlightened” generation.

The only way to begin to combat these issues is to bring them out into the open. Denial isn’t going to cut it. We’ve got to shine a light on this ugliness so we can see it and root it out. Only by doing so can we start a truthful dialogue and get to work. And a lot of work needs to be done. This is reality, and we need to face it in order to change it. Anything else is unacceptable.

Sunshine