During a recent very important blog meeting at Starbucks, we noticed something…interesting.

CAUTION: This beverage may be hot.

Yep, that’s the warning stamped right on the 100% post-consumer recycled fiber cup of each delicious Starbucks latte. I certainly hope so. I don’t pay $10.50 (plus tax and tip) to drink lukewarm espresso.

Was that cautionary label the result of Seattle hipsters making fun of us? Maybe. After all, we have no qualms taking out a second mortgage just to grab a beverage and oatmeal in the morning. Maybe we deserve to be treated like boneheads.

Nevertheless, we decided to keep a lookout for any further examples. We found one just two days later…

DO NOT EAT OR SWALLOW!

Now, we’d respect this on the wrapper of a Taco Supreme (with a Cool Ranch Dorito shell!) from Taco Bell. But no! That was printed on the paper covering of the coat hangers from my very own dry cleaner. COAT HANGERS!

Obviously we needed to go into full blog research mode to get to the bottom of this disturbing trend. There is only one place we go when it’s time to really get serious…PINTEREST!

As usual, Pinterest came through for us. A simple search for signs and warnings revealed that things are much, MUCH worse than we anticipated out there.

Much like the Starbucks cup and the coat hanger warning, some of the signs we found show that “the powers that be” really don’t trust us at all.

Pinterest Nightmare #750a: Signs We May Be Idiots

It’s easy to make fun, but who among us hasn’t gotten a lung-full of chlorinated water when we forgot we weren’t Aquaman and attempted to respirate whilst submerged? Plus, the swimmers of the modern world are multitasking, not just going for a leisurely dip in the pool. They are so busy talking on their cellphones via Bluetooth earbuds and posting selfies to Instagram, it’s almost impossible to remember only to inhale when your head is above water. Without timely reminder signs like this, we’d have many more swimmers sinking to the bottom like rocks.

 

Aw, shucks! I was totally going to sit there. Those fleurs-de-lis with the super pointy hooks on the end look really comfy. If you didn’t want people to sit on the fence, you shouldn’t have made it look so darn inviting!! But since they asked nicely, I’ll just find a boring flat bench to sit on instead. *sigh*

 

GAH! That was a close one. It would be so easy to miss the fact that the pool is totally deserted, duck under the ropes and wires blocking off the pool, and climb up on the high dive to attempt a reverse 3 1/2 somersault with a 1/2 twist in the pike position. You’d never even notice there wasn’t any water in the pool!! You know, the sign doesn’t actually say “no diving”. It’s probably fine as long as you are in the deep end.

But do not despair that we are all nitwits! Sometimes the signs point in the other direction. Maybe *we* aren’t the ones who should be wearing the dunce cap after all.

Pinterest Nightmare #750b: Signs That It’s Not *US*, It’s *THEM*

Well, what could be easier than following simple directions that are laid out so nicely? I’ll just be keeping to my right…or maybe to my OTHER right?

 

This one is a bit of a poser. Both designations look very official. “Entrance” is chiseled in stone and “Not An Entrance” is professionally lettered and encased in glass. I didn’t even need to be told this was a National Park to know that the Federal government was somehow involved.

But let’s not point fingers. There’s plenty of stupidity to go around. Sometimes the signs aren’t stupid as much as just…suspicious.

Pinterest Nightmare #750c: Signs that Something Fishy Is Going On Here

Sounds totally legit.

 

How delightful! Who couldn’t use a hug? The media wants us to believe we live in dangerous times, yet here is a good Samaritan trying to make the world a better place. (For free!!)

 

But some signs aren’t sketchy at all. They actually make you think and lead to better decision making.

Pinterest Nightmare #750d: Signs That Make You Think Twice

I know we’ve been driving for 8 hours straight but, on second thought, I don’t have to go to the bathroom very badly after all. Why don’t we keep going and just get off at the next exit?

 

Pffft. If I listened to warnings of instant death I’d never have had any fun in college, and I’d certainly never eat another stick of deep fried butter at the North Carolina State Fair. Who would want to live like that? But…wait a minute. The Newcastle Tramway Authority will FINE ME $200? Now the shit’s getting REAL. I better step away from that third rail after all.

But not all signs leave you perplexed, disturbed, or otherwise out of sorts. Some signs actually answer the lingering questions you’ve always had about life.

Pinterest Nightmare #750e: Signs That Clear Things Up

No wonder soccer never really took off in the states! Having to remember to not use your hands while also dodging arrows is challenging for even the most athletic kids unless your name is Katniss Everdeen.

 

This totally explains why all those old guys get up early every Saturday morning to play a round of golf. And all this time I thought baseball was the only sport where participants could score a home run.

 

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.